Friday, November 6, 2009

The Players -

2009 Ragerfest Player Bios -

Barry Christiansen
AKA - Ty Webb
Hometown - Bushwood
Curently Residing in paradise
Barry is currently club champion for the past two years and probably has the most "Gross" titles of any of the current 8 players. He is by far the most fundamentally sound player currently on the tour. And I emphasize the "mental" on fundamental. Chances are good for a championship cup repeat as long as he can stay out of the casinos, strip clubs and show up for the tee times. Tequilla shooters with Lacy late at night could also prove to be a downfall. The rest of us hope for some sort of handicapping advantage. "I was born to love you, I was born to lick your face, I was born to rub you, but you were born to rub me first".

Corey Waggoner - aka - Danny Noonan
Hometown - Somewhere in Nebraska
Residing - parent's house
Currently - Attending St. Copius
Now, check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but isn't Danny the club junior champion 4 of the last 5 years(?), and club champ the other? And, wouldn't this make him a perennial favorite to repeat (six-peat)? Well, normally, maybe.
Unfortunately for him, Noonan is coming off a tough year of broken ribs and non-stop sleep deprivation. As for the ribs, Danny had a senior moment, leading to months on the mend. Also, for those who haven't closely followed his career/life in recent years, after the movie wrapped, Danny dumped Maggie hard, grabbed Lacy by bush, and pumped out two adorable little kittens (meow!), one of which wakes up every morning at 5 fucking o'clock.
Because of these factors, Danny has had to forgo any training regimen whatsoever this year, and is heavily relying on good memories to bring back that old black magic and another title. If it doesn't happen, well... 'How 'bout a Fresca!?!'

Craig Hatton
AKA Lacy Underballs
Hometown - Torrance Muthfuggin Cali
Currently Residing Cottonwood Heights, Ut
Hopefully employed as a bitch for some climbing company
Craig is a tool. Sometimes we like to play with Craig (when he is playing) but other times it is just awkward to be around him on the course. You'll likely see a few clubs thrown, endless bitching about previous shots, scoring a 5 when it really should have been a 7, and his awful smoking habit takes a turn for the worse on the golf course. That said, Craig can be a stallion form time to time. With 3 Ragerfest titles to his name (1 with an asterisk*) he has been in the and out of the winner circle and cup contention over the years. It has been a long time since we have seen Craig in the top 5 so we are really hoping for a good showing this year. The challenge for Craig is he doesn't do well on placement shot coursers so we'll just have to wait and see what he pulls out of the bag.....probably lunch. ....or it may be his little herb stock. In sizing up Craigs's competition this year, it is a tough call to make any predictions, But, with one player coming in from a 17 hour plane flight, another with a bad back, yet another with a late night drinking problem, the odds for a top 5 finish are good. Stay tuned a s Craig gets thrown in a p0ol with his clothes on and phone in his pocket: gets buggered gently by his restless drunk friends, then watch a master as he crushes everyone at a game that really matters........DICE.

Tony Done, AKA the Tonsk, AKA Cinderella Story
Hometown, SLC, Utah
Current Residence....unknown
Currently employed as Director to Ensure that Bigots do not violate the rights of children with disabilities.

Tony Done, Cinderella Story out of the high desert of southeastern Utah, plans to quietly sneak up on the field of the 2009 Ragerfest. Mr. Done has steadfastly been working on his golf game having been out on the courses of southeast Utah and astonishing one time this year. His long game is coming around to complement his outstanding short game and slightly above average putting. He plans to mak a strong move out of the ragerfest cellar with the help of some "barrels". On a more important note, he plans to consistently win at the dice table without being scribby at all, and were not talking craps here folks. No chicua dada gatz for him. (Blog moderator begs to differ however, blogging privileges invoked here).
Chris Hatton
AKA - Dr. Beeper
Hometown - Toronto
Currently Residing - ZION
Dr Beeper is really in the hunt this year. The hunt that is for dead last. With a little help from his best friend, Don Julio, he is bound for a great weekend of golf. The Beepster as he is better known to the rest of us can often be found hurling in the sand traps while he is trying to find his balls that frequently land there. His most famous line (amongst friends, when a client is on her death bed) is "just snake a tube down her throat and I will be there in say........5 maybe 6 hours."
Test 3, 2, 1,

Cameron Mitchell ---- AKA Spaulding "ratfarts"
Hometown - Salt Lake City Utah
Currently Residing in Boothbay Harbor, ME
Currently Employed as a Customer Service Manager at McSeagulls Restaurant.

We currently believe Cameron to be in 8th place going into this years fest. Out of 8 this can't be a good position to be in. However with only 8 in the field there is only room for improvement. And we all know he has some stiff competition for that 8th place slot and I am sure he could step up to 7 or even 6th if he has a banner 3 rounds this year. Although he does alright in Triathlons he sucks at golf. He spends most of his time in the rough, sand traps, lakes and other various water features and looking for lost balls anywhere but in the fairway and on the greens. He is in a great position to be at the bottom of the leader board at the end of this years fest. Having never one a cup, this year doesn't look good for one either. Having not swung a club since last years fest odds are stacked against him.

Billy Schulder-AKA-Billy Barool
Home Town- Home of the Mormons
Residing-Conway Arkansas with the Hillbillies
Currently employed by Hewlett Packard as a District Manager
Billy is an ok golfer when he is hasn't had 10 double cocktails before he tees off in the morning, which is pretty much every round he plays. He can hit the ball long and straight a lot of the time but it is usually towards the Cart Girl to get another cocktail. Billy is usually in the top 4 and hopes to place better this year however that might be an issue with his late night drinking and how many strip clubs are in Las Vegas. Billy Barool is a great putter especially under pressure with large $$$ bets that are illegal at Bushwood Country Club. If Billy can control his drinking on the course and putt like he has in the past he will have a good tournament this year and a chance to place in the top 3. Billy Billy Billy OOOOh Billy Barooooool.

Bill Woolston

Bill Woolston aka “the negro”

Hometown- Oakland, California

Currently- C Heights, Utah

Occupation: Chief Exuberant Occifer

Simply put, Bill loves the game of golf. Not just game itself, but the act of swinging the club. In fact, Bill loves swinging the club so much that he tries to do it as many times as possible for each round of golf he plays. The adrenaline surge that Bill receives keeps the game real for him. Bill realizes after many years of golf that the harder he swings, the bigger the adrenaline rush. Bill loves adrenaline.

There are times when the club Bill swings makes contact with the ball creating both excitement and panic among his partners. Although never legally accused of property damage or assault, Bill’s ball flight can be at times accurate, but most often shall we say…“off target”. It is perhaps due to Bill’s unique game that the Rager’s introduced the “other cup” which bears his name. In spite of his averaging less than 5 rounds of golf per year, Bill’s true potential may yet to be tapped. He has high, very high, hopes for 2009.

This years players are....well the same as last although we have Tony coming this year to round out the eight.

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